Before I became a mother, I was told it would be exhausting, beautiful, overwhelming, magical. What I wasn’t really prepared for was how hard it would feel, not just on the bad days, but sometimes on the ordinary ones too.
So, yes. It is completely normal to find motherhood hard.
No matter how much you plan, read, or prepare, motherhood changes your life in ways that are difficult to explain until you’re living it. Your time, your body, your identity and your relationships all shift at once. And unlike most major life changes, there’s no pause button, no easing in, and very little space to process what’s happening.
One of the most painful myths of motherhood is the idea that if you’re struggling, you must be doing something wrong, or worse, that you don’t love your child enough.
But love doesn’t cancel out exhaustion, gratitude doesn’t erase resentment and joy doesn’t prevent burnout.
You can adore your child and still miss your old life. You can feel lucky and still feel trapped. These feelings don’t contradict each other, but rather, they exist side by side
Motherhood isn’t just the physical work of caring for a child. It’s the mental load - the constant planning, worrying, remembering, anticipating.
You don’t need to wrap your honesty in apologies. You don’t need to add “but I wouldn’t change it for the world” every time you admit you’re struggling.
You’re allowed to say:
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This is harder than I expected.
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I’m exhausted.
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I need help.
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I don’t feel like myself right now.
None of this makes you a bad mother. It makes you a human one.
If you’re reading this and nodding along, please know this: you are not alone, and you are not failing. Struggle is not a sign that something is wrong with you - it’s often a sign that you’re doing something incredibly demanding with limited support. Remember that only good parents worry about whether they are good ones!
Motherhood doesn’t need more silence or perfection. It needs honesty, compassion, and room for mothers to be real.
If some of what you’re feeling goes beyond the ups and downs of everyday motherhood, it might help to talk to someone who understands. Organisations like PANDAS Foundation offer free, confidential support for parents experiencing perinatal mental health challenges from pregnancy through the early years.
Reaching out doesn’t mean you’re not coping. It means you’re taking care of yourself, and that matters too.
At Modern Cloth Nappies, we’re proud to support PANDAS through regular donations, because no parent should have to struggle alone.
Visit https://pandasfoundation.org.uk/ to learn more.
